The Fairy tale

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he’s everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot; he’s really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”
― Taylor Swift

As the nights get longer, we find ourselves more susceptible to the calling of our beds. Autumn is not only the season of cuddly feelings but also the season of “late night” thoughts and second guessing (See all autumn poems ever for reference, #fallisdepressing as the cool kids would say). In addition to it being a very prolific season for writers and all kinds of artists, autumn is the season of confused feelings.

One wakes up on a beautiful morning. All types of shades of yellow, red, and green smile at them. The sun is shining the birds are twitching, everything is wonderful until one goes outside just to realise, they have been deceived. The oh so yellow light beams do not seem eager to embrace anyone or anything. A flickering and just like that, gone, making space for the rain to fall. The piercing cold creeps up slowly, blooming with the descent of darkness at about five o’clock.

This is the time one starts to itch. The need for cosiness gets stronger by the minute. When one finally gives in, one is faced by the dilemma: Sleep or a book and cocoa?

No matter the answer, one ends up wondering what the hell am I supposed to do with my life? I am sure ten-year-old me did not picture me sitting a small apartment with no job and shitty neighbours at the age of thirty. I am fully aware of how I got here, and I wish someone had told me sooner about the redundancy of making plans for your life, however I still could make changes. I still could decide where the story will go. Even though it does not feel like it at my age. It feels more like I am losing the game. Nonetheless to make changes one has to know what one wants and that is where I’m lost at the moment. I guess we could say I am not so good at following my dreams – since I seem to have lost or confused them with someone else’s along the way.

I remember talking with my friends about club 23 when we were fifteen. About how life is not wort living after being so old. Now I am thirty and amazed by how stupid we were and probably still are. Now it feels like I am running out of time. For what you ask? For everything. Statistically speaking I have more time ahead then behind me, which makes me still young. However, my body is starting to show some signs of distress. I am not sure the warranty is still valid. I doubt I could get a new one. For example, the question if I want to have kids needs to be answered ASAP.

Contrary to common beliefs this is not an easy decision that should be made on the fly. There are lots of factors which influence, and which should be taken under careful consideration. The pressure of buying a house and having kids as the ultimate life goal and as the only way of living is been bothering me lately. I always thought I was free to choose what I wanted for myself, but I have started noticing little disturbances in the matrix.

Before I go on, I would like to point out that everyone should be free to do whatever they want with their own body. If women want kids, they should have them and if not, they should not. Either way the freedom to choose is key.

Freedom and happiness are what I want to address here. I want people who are looking for happiness to see they have other options than “growing up” and marry and get a dog and have kids and whatever it is that is supposed to give us what we are looking for. To do so, we must create a new heaven on earth. A new dream to replace these old rusty ideals.

According to Florence Given[1], we are lacking alternative romantic movies. And she is right. But since we cannot write a love story ending with “they met at a bookstore and lived happily ever after” (actually I cannot see why not), the time has come for us to write new shit and change the way we talk.

Instead of saying “it’s time for me to grow up” to describe the process of getting a house and stop partying until morning we could say “it is time for me to spend money on a place to live where I can still daydrink without people seeing me.” A few days ago, I was listening to a podcast in which the host said: “friends who are not ready yet to have kids”. That yet is the problem here. That yet implies we are all supposed to have kids and will only be whole and normal and grown up if we do so. And that is wrong. If that is the life you want, be my guest but if it is not, there is no reason to force something that is not there. I think the best way to start debunking this crap (which keeps confusing women all around the world) is to take a romantic screenplay and let the women play the parts written for men and vice versa. It would be strange at first. But if you watch it often enough, you will normalize the thought that women are no different than men because we still are all humans.

And also, WTF is wrong with partying? Just because people with kids have less time for it, it does not mean that it is something bad or that they stop doing it. We need fun in our lives, even if tend to forget it.

And to conclude this unreasonably long blog post, which is not long enough, I have decided to attach a nice list for all of you thinking about bringing new life into this world. This list is not only for women but especially for men who think about getting children the same way as getting a dog without thinking of what it would do to their partner. It is a list of all side effects that can happen to your body during pregnancy. Like a medication leaflet for pregnancy. Not to discourage you but to make sure you heard all of these things before going through with it[2].

Bloating
Cramping
Sore breasts
Spotting
Exhaustion
Nausea and or vomiting
Bleeding
Frequent urge to pee
Mood swings
Sleep disturbances
Snoring
Heartburn
Leg cramps
Food cravings and aversions
Constant salivation
Heavy vaginal discharge
Bleeding gums
Constipation
Hemorrhoids
Itchy skin
Nosebleeds
Yeast infections
Swollen extremities
Stress
Depression
Back pain
Rhinitis of pregnancy (inflammation of the mucous membranes lining the nose. This causes nasal congestion. Increased blood flow to the nasal passages and enlargement of the nasal veins[3])
Lower blood pressure (also depending if you sleep on your side or not)
Dizziness
Body smell
Dry eyes
Weird dreams
Hunger
Sharp ligament pain
Red palms
Patches of darkened skin on upper lip, cheeks and forehead
Darkening scars, nipples, freckles, inner thighs and vulva
Stretch marks
Varicose veins
Spider veins
Acne
Urine leaks
Swollen ankles, hands, face
Diabetes
Food restrictions
Bleeding nipples from breastfeeding
labour pain (can go on for 32 hours) and c section recovery pain
tears in the perineum