“There will be moments when you have to be a grown-up. Those moments are tricks. Do not fall for them.”
― Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things
I used to go to the dentist once a year but then you know, life happened. Finally, I got around to make an appointment and waited my two months and at last the day came.
I sat in the white room, reading “becoming Michelle Obama”, ignoring everything around me. I never understood why people are so afraid of dentists. Even as a child I knew I was supposed to be afraid, but I was not. I did not even understand my mum who did not like the sounds coming out of the treatment room. Each year we went to the dentist all together. The whole family. And we, as children, were the first ones in and had to leave the room before it was my parents’ turn. I thought we were not supposed to see the horrors that happen to grownups in there. Still I liked watching the fish tank they had there, and I was always amazed by the fact, they had children books and toys laying around. I also liked the colourful braces hanging down the ceiling and slowly drawing circles in the air. No big deal.
My name came up and they brought me in for a quick x-ray. I do not like those black pieces of plastic they put in your mouth. The always leave little cuts in your mouth and I cannot understand how – with our technology – we still are not able to solve this problem.
I got back to my book and soon I got asked to go in for a professional oral hygiene. Still not afraid and pretty relaxed I sat there, trying to remember the last time I had them do that to me. Apparently, I had signed up for the expended package where they do not only clean your teeth, they also give you a face shower with the water splashing from your teeth. The small women sitting beside me was probably non-human, since she had at least 6 hands in my mouth and was way stronger than she looked like. As I sat in that stupid chair, wondering how anyone could sit where you are supposed to, I pondered about my teeth. I have really nice teeth. At least they looked very nice in the radiography. Also, I mused about the aspirator. Even though that thing was always stuck somewhere, I never asked myself where all the spit goes. Do they have a bucket filled with spit and blood and tartar and a poor apprentice must empty it at the end of the day? I will never know. But I think they could charge even more for the face-washing, teeth-cleaning, core-training service. The longer she took, the better I could hold my plank. She was very nice and told me each time she paused, that it was going to hurt. A lovely information that was not reassuring at all. And actually, it did not hurt that much. The first half. The second half felt like she was trying to rip out my retainer with her bare hands. Like digging for gold or something.
She was almost done, I think, when she told me to close my eyes because I could get the tooth cream in my eyes. Sure. With the light shining directly in my pupils and after all the water already running down my chin, that would have made a great difference. After she was done drilling and whatever it is, they do to clean teeth she decided to apply another cream because my teeth are so sensitive. Whatever. Finally, the doctor came. It took him 2 seconds to tell me everything is fine, and I was done. Two and a half hours later. I think I am good for the next two years.
I felt so grown up today that I even got a little adventurous when grocery shopping. Now I have to find out how to eat an artichoke. And also, I am starving because I am not allowed to eat anything yet. Piece of advice: do not go to the dentist at lunchtime.
Aromatic deception 