“All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Getting beaten up a lot as a kid has a strange effect on people. I’m not talking about kids mobbing kids. I’m talking about grown ups beating kids.
Let’s address for a second the fact that there are still countries here in the EU where it is still legal to use corporal punishment to discipline kids at home. Let me rephrase that: corporal punishment of children by parents is legal everywhere but in 58 countries all over the world.
If an adult beats up an adult, he gets arrested but if a grown person beats a child it is ok?!
Let’s remind ourselves that kids are still learning about the world. They need someone to trust, to rely on, someone who can protect them. That someone should be a parent. If, however, the grown up starts beating his/her kids, they are on their own. Their world view will shatter the core of their personality and they will have to build a massive wall around it to prevent it to fall apart.
This wall will save them from bullies given their knowledge about bigger evil, but it will also prevent them to get close to anyone. In some cases, it will turn them into bullies themselves.
These kids will grow up not even noticing the wall until it starts to crumble. They will meet someone they like and want to get close to, and they will start scratching at the wall. The whole system will begin to tremble, and they will realize everything they thought was normal. Everything they believed to be wonderful and nice will turn out to be the shadow of a lie.
As people grow up, they start to forget and stop comparing old faded memories with the new acquired knowledge and they will start noticing: constantly walking on shells at home is not something normal. Lying to the parents all the time because they would find an excuse to get mad is kind of normal unless you have to fear more then just be grounded. People who never experienced such a thing have no idea about the psychological stress and scars they leave behind. I knew a guy who got diagnosed with PTSD because of his upbringing, not to mention the deep buried hate against women – and he still has trouble to recognise it. PTSD is one of the most common mental health conditions among veterans. And kids don’t even have weapons to defend themselves. Try to picture someone beating you up – if you are lucky without a weapon – and then chasing you all around the house to beat you up some more. You got nowhere to go, nothing to defend yourself with and this someone is usually taller and stronger than you. This sounds more like a horror movie to me. And the feelings when someone pins you against the wall: the moment before he strikes you with the water carafe; your heart pumping, adrenaline rushing through your veins, but you are not strong enough to get away. The only thing to do is put on a brave face and hide your fear to avoid giving him the satisfaction. Afterwards you will hide somewhere so no one can see how the body handles the surplus of adrenaline. You will start to shake because of a mixture of rage and adrenaline, and you will probably cry.
As a woman you will end up choosing a very nice guy who will treat you like shit, but you will not see it that way. Little girls who get mistreated by their fathers never now they deserve better. They see it as a normal when men are not able to control their temper and they always think they did something to trigger it. With this missing knowledge they won’t see the warning signs of the psychopaths they will date. But some day he will snap, and she will blame herself. She will start walking on eggshells again and making excuses for the good guy she is with. All this without even realizing she is one of these pathetic women who stay with their abusive boyfriends. Why? Because he is is not that bad after all. He has not hit her with an iron or something. Yet.
Aromatic deception 