“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.”
― Søren Kierkegaard , The Concept of Anxiety: A Simple Psychologically Orienting Deliberation on the Dogmatic Issue of Hereditary Sin
Sometimes the world is too loud.
Sometimes all you need is a little peace and quiet. Real quiet. Meaning no phone, no internet, no news, no TV shows, no chairs scratching the floor above your head, not even the rippling sound coming from the dishwasher.
Sometimes your mind is just too loud.
Sometimes all the peace and quiet you can get, is not enough to reach a state of total silence. Nonetheless you cannot stop wandering around the apartment. Restless. A reflection of your mind. The thoughts keeping you wide awake even if you feel the temptation of going to sleep. Unable to rest.
Focus. A word which lost all its meaning. You keep pacing back and forth trying to direct all the energy towards an end. To get to that finish line which keeps slightly out of reach. Sisyphus would have done a better job than you.
You start to resemble a wild animal caged at the zoo. You feel it. Something big is coming and there is nothing you can do but wait. The calm before the storm. But it is not really calm, is it? You feel the electricity in the air reaching for you, running through your bones. There is no escape.
The thoughts keep running in circles, they speed up, faster and faster and faster, circling around and around and around the thoughts they go… suddenly they stop.
You know they are still there lingering in the dark. Waiting for your next move. You try to remain still. This is not the silence you were waiting for. If you had bought a clock, you would be hearing the seconds clicking by slowly. You can feel the time stopping and gently rest on your skin. The temperature drops, the room becomes cold and distant.
The shower. The shower is the only hope.
Warm water pouring down on you, washing away the viruses infesting your brain. The yellow light of the neon tube becomes brighter and brighter. The warmth of the water becomes distant and blurry. The mind slowly leaving time and space.
Not sure how much time has passed as you feel your skin fighting the faucet and give in to the tight embrace of the towel.
Still half minded, you bring yourself to get some clothes on and return to the living room where the silence is still waiting for you. The thoughts creeping in the background, hiding. Their eyes glowing in the dark.
Aromatic deception 