“Literature was not born the day when a boy crying “wolf, wolf” came running out of the Neanderthal valley with a big gray wolf at his heels; literature was born on the day when a boy came crying “wolf, wolf” and there was no wolf behind him.”
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lectures on Literature
CoVid-19 the perfect name for a sci-fi story. Can’t wait to see all those unique ideas about humanity almost being destroyed by a plague. Believe me, a few months after all this will be over there will be nothing else to read.
It is also the perfect opportunity to find the answers you were looking for while watching scary movies: Why are people still going outside even though they know they’ll get sick? Why are those idiots taking their children for a walk? What has the poor dog to do with any of this? Why are they still hanging around even though the one person has a cough already?
Apparently, people are really that stupid and those movie writers were right all along. My apologies if I said anything bad about them. For the sake of education – and since nobody seems to take it seriously – could we please reintroduce the tv show Helix and make a decent second season? I don’t know what went wrong there to lose so much quality in such a short time but now is the time to take inspiration from real life. Also, the first season was glorious. The first season could get people scared so they might start behaving according to the situation. The marvellous music played during scenes that were hard to watch, would help contain the fear to a reasonable amount. And maybe seeing people getting attacked by zombies in a green orchard on a sunny day, will make everything more relatable; just because it’s nice outside it doesn’t mean that it’s safe; just because the nice smiling man has a beautiful balloon, it doesn’t mean it’s safe to approach him.
So far it seems that there are two type of people: those panicking and those who think they can’t get infected. Oh. I forgot those who want to get infected on purpose – I still can’t believe there are people actually doing such stup… yeah, sounds about right. Go watch the show!
Where am I in all this Chaos? I can’t say. It’s always difficult to maintain an objective view about oneself but I can say with absolute certainty that I’m still pretty pissed at people for buying up all the pasta. I’m talking in particular about spaghetti. Is that some kind of revenge against Italian people or are you trying to support their economy? Either way I’ve been trying to buy a packet of spaghetti for a week by now – without any luck. How am I supposed to make a carbonara without it? You can’t possibly suggest, or event think to suggesting I use another type of pasta for it – if you are not Italian you won’t get it.
I had to suffer a lot because of people using stereotypes to make fun of our culture – and I have to admit the fact that as I’m writing this Spotify is playing “La donna è mobile” is not really helping my case. BUT People all over the world enjoy Italian cuisine and you know why? Because we stick to our good recipe instructions. So next time you cook something “Italian” changing the ingredients and the amount of onions and garlic you put in and also the spices which should be used to make a sauce to pasta that is NOT al dente – believe me you don’t know what al dente is – you shouldn’t wander why it does not taste as good as it did in Italy las time you went there on vacation. At this point I can’t help myself but to beg you to ask some Italian people how to pronounce the name of the city you’re visiting before bragging about it at work.
Now that we’ve established people buying up all pasta have no idea how to handle it, someone has to ask what they plan on doing with it.
You can do a lot more stuff with toilet paper: paper-maché is the most fun one but you could build stuff, use it as a bed, make up remover, a curtain, rug and probably duct tape – although I’d have to do more research about that. Now that I think about it I know how to afford that reading chair I always wanted; I just need more toilet paper. You could also use it to blow your nose, make puppets, curl your hair, dress yourself… hell, I think I missed a great opportunity here. Maybe we should just print money on it. Our ancestors – and by that, I mean Neanderthals – would surely appreciate the gesture.
Aromatic deception 