“Most people don’t believe something can happen until it already has. That’s not stupidity or weakness, that’s just human nature.”
— Max Brooks, World War Z
I started my last travelling double pack – and with that I mean the travel to and from a place – on a Thursday at 4am. I had my hand luggage packed, and a luggage scale to make sure not to go over the allowed eight kilogram (there is no way to get your bag that heavy when you pack four pairs of socks, four panties, five or six shirts – long sleeve, short sleeves, two blouses, one jumper- a tablet, two books, two charger, my hormone cream, toothpaste and brush, mascara and a disinfectant), I had measured my bag with a roll centimetre, had my passport and wallet ready and I had my alarm clock set. Ready to go. I was so ready that I had the whole day to waste my time instead of doing what I was supposed to. I realised that the plastic bags I had bought did not have the required seal and since I’m not a friend of plastic I was slightly upset about it. I went int town to look for the stupid new bags (which then I will be needing just one of the thirty I got), which were really hard to find because of course they don’t have them in the supermarket and nobody bothers to properly describe the bags on the box.
And as I was sitting in the bus I thought “well, since I’m already going in that direction I might as well get a new piercing.” So I went to the bank to get money I probably don’t have right now, got a new piercing, changed two that I already had and almost got another one but for some reason the logic me decided to step in and stop me. Got the piercing, got the bags, almost bought a new foundation – because you see, I’m one of those girls that have one foundation for years and never use it so I thought… I didn’t think, I was just bored and I was procrastinating. I got back home, managed to do a little bit of work for my dissertation and to avoid working even though my colleague wanted to drag me back into his chaos. Long story short I got to bed really early (at about half past 10) and oh wonder I fell asleep right away. About one hour later I woke up. Of course, I had too pee and drink and quickly got back to bed. As I was lying there I realised, my neighbour had sensed I had only a few hours to sleep so he decided to ease my transition into the dream world by practising piano once again until 2am. I should have seen it coming. I just don’t know which neighbour it is. I mean you hear him only when you are already in bed in your sleeping clothes (no I don’t own “PJs”, that word just sounds like lack of creativity) and you really don’t want to get up again to go looking for the right door to knock on. Anyway, I was lying there awake and kind of sleepy trying to enjoy the classic music he was playing, but the repetition of the same few notes over and over and over again reminded me too much of brain washing techniques. Some time ago I bought wax ear plugs, yes just for my friendly neighbour, but I was way too scared of not hearing my alarm because of them… lalalalala it is.
My cushions started to become hard and uncomfortable. My skin to itchy, my eyes got swollen, the temperature was too cold but my blanked was warming me too much. lalalalala you get the picture. I tried listening to some ASMR YouTube videos but again, the headphones are not the most comfortable ones and I was not sure if my alarm would be loud enough for me to hear it. Nevertheless, I tried. I watched or better listened to two amazing ear attention videos. Listening to the sound of mic scratching and whispering that everything is going to be ok, and everything is fine, always make me very sleepy. Lalalalala. at about 2am my neighbour finally gave up his music career allowing me to fall asleep, his music still ringing in my ears (which by now just automatically make me angry – nice classic conditioning techniques). I’m still not sure if it was really worth trying. I got up at 4.30 because of course I was too tired to get up at 4. And since I did not have time to make and drink coffee at home my memories about what happened next are still a little fuzzy. Zombie mode on. I’m pretty sure I showered, not sure if I used soap. I’m sure I turned my boiler off, because every cent I can save is a good cent (yes I have a lot of tattoos and piercings but it’s about setting the right priorities), got dressed and went to the bus station -no I don’t have a car because people who live in the city don’t really need one despite what they tell you. Since I’m not at home yet I’m still not sure if I locked the door and I’ve still the stupid sensation that something is missing. There is nothing I can do about that right now so f*ck it. Let’s write about it, maybe it’ll help.
I got to the bus station just in time to see my bus leave and since I’m a neurotic mess I had that planned too, so I waited for the next bus. I live near the bus terminal and at 5am, all the busses must go past my bus station, and they are so kind to take you with them. So, I took the first bus that came around, it was really cold and snowy outside, and got off at another station where I was supposed to change the bus to reach the airport. As I was sitting there half asleep, I noticed that I had taken line 2 to get there which usually does not go past that station and I saw another line 2 approaching. My brain was just starting to give signs of life, throwing random thoughts at me like “the tobacconist has open, maybe I should bring cigarettes with me” “you can manage five days without smoking” “you don’t know how much you’ll have to pay to bring cigarettes with you and also you don’t know if you are allowed…” “shut up” “it’s cold” “where is my bus?” “did I write the time right?” “will I miss my flight?” while all of this in my brain and constantly checking my phone to see if the bus was going to come and when, I noticed line 2 still wating there. The text on the bus sounded familiar so I checked again my bus app and I realised that that was the line going to the airport. I got up, happy to know that I was not going to wait another fifteen minutes to get somewhere warm, just to see the bus leaving. “you are so stupid” “yeah” and I sat back on the cold wooden bench.
Aromatic deception 